Would you let me be your husband?
by Victory87
Summary: I want to marry you, but I'll never be alble to and that you will never understand.  Not a nice and sweet story.


Challenge fic from the forum Howgarst Online II prompt: The eyes always give the guilty away, they are the doorway to the soul. thanks to Inkfire ;)

People say "the eyes always give the guilty away, they are the doorway to the soul", I really hope that they are wrong. Why? Because I feel guilty about my boyfriend, I am scared of my family learning about him. I'm lying to both, I promised my boyfriend that I would marry him, and yet I secretly hope that he will never actually propose... It was just one night, you know, the sort of night that you spend making up a lot of crazy plans, but don't think that I don't love him, no, I do love him, with all my heart and I would die for him... But I'm a pure-blood and he is a muggleborn... As for my family, I told them that he was nothing but a classmate, I told them that he was no one for me.

Today is the last day before the Christmas holidays, it is my last year at Hogwarts so I feel sad, here I can be with Ted, but afterwards I don't know, I still hope...

"Andy!"

"Ted!"

He kisses me on the lips, takes my hand and we go somewhere calm where nobody can see us.

"I wanted to give you this for Christmas but I can't wait, open it!"

He hands me a little box, I feel my heart stop, I know what it is already, oh my God, what can I do... I open it, it is a simple ring with a pink little gem. I feel my eyes start stinging, but I won't cry.

"Oh my God Teddy, I..."

"Andromeda Black, would you marry me?"

"I..."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes of course! You know I've always loved you..."

"So it's easy!"

"But you know, with all the problems with my family I..."

He kisses me before I get to finish my sentence.

"Yes I know that, but I don't care, we will find a solution."

"It's not so simple."

He goes down on one knee and takes my hand.

"Andy, would you marry me? I know it is so difficult, but that's not important, we are young, we have all the time we want, we can marry in five years or even ten years... I'll give you all the time you need... But if you really love me, you know that everything is gonna be all right in the end, so I'm asking you again, do you want me as your husband?"

"Yes, I do."

Why did I tell him yes? I don't know why, but I kiss him all the same, and he holds me in his arms for a long time, we feel so good close together, and he kisses my hair.

"You don't have to tell them during this holiday, you can wait until the end of the year, you know, I don't mind waiting since I know that we will be together in the end."

Yes I lied to him, but I couldn't tell him no, that my family wouldn't accept it, he can't understand, my world and his are so different. So we go to the train, I stay a little away from him there, I must travel with my sisters, so I join them without looking back, though I feel his gaze on me, I know he doesn't understand what I'm doing but it is the way it is, I don't have a choice.

"You're still hanging out with that muggleborn, poor, poor Andy..."

I hate Bella, and Cissy who laughs along with her. Cissy can't be against Bella, she will always do everything to please our older sister.

"Shut up, I'm going to see Sirius."

"Don't."

"He is still my cousin, even if you hate him."

I go looking for him, and I find him with James and Lily.

"Come here cousin," he calls.

"Hello."

The couple smile at me.

"You can't stand Bella, right?"

"You are always right. I hate her."

"Me too."

He makes me laugh, he always tries to help me, we are similar, both not obsessed with blood purity.

"What is this?" he suddenly asks.

"What?"

"This ring."

"Oh, that..."

I feel myself blushing.

"An engagement ring."

"Congratulations, I'm so happy for you and Ted, see James, that could inspire you perhaps," Lily chimes in.

Lily is so sweet, James is really cool. I have to say I feel fine with them.

"But.."

"Don't let them change your mind," Sirius says immediately.

"But I can't marry him, they would never accept it!"

"But you love him and he loves you, your life is your own Andy!"

"I can't accept to be disowned."

"Yes you can! Look at me, I've done it and I'm still alive!"

"Sirius, we both know that Andy will think about it and she will make up her mind, it's just too quick, that's all. Am I right?" Lily speaks again.

"Yes Lily, you are right like always."

The rest of the travel is really nice, we talk and laugh a lot. Life with them feels so much easier... Eventually I join my sisters, they stare at me as though I were a monster. They just don't care about my feelings, theirs are so much more important... Bella and her complete madness, and Cissy and her obsession with perfection. Both are obsessed with purity. Sometimes they scare me with this fanatic way of thinking.

I don't know what to do with the ring... I put it in my pocket before arriving home, but of course my parents don't even glance at me, they are so happy to see perfect little Cissy and big girl Bella. I go to my room, I want to cry but the tears don't come, I know that it could be worse, and if I decide to leave with Ted it will, but if I decide to leave him, my heart will die and I will have to marry a man I don't love, no I can't do this, I love Ted too much.

What am I going to do with it? I toy with the ring in my hand again. It is really simple, but truly lovely. Ted doesn't have a lot of money, this makes me feel bad, he must have spent all of his money on such a present...

I start spending all day watching my ring, sending him letters at night, I don't want my parents to know about it. I spend my nights dreaming of him, of us...

One day, too busy watching my ring again, I don't hear my mother come into my room.

"Andromeda, what is this you're holding?"

"Nothing mother," I hastily reply.

"Give it to me!" she orders.

"No! It's mine, not yours," I shout.

But she is already close to me, and she sees the ring.

"It's an engagement ring!"

"Yes."

"From whom?"

"You don't know him!"

"Why wouldn't a pureblooded boy ask us before you? What went through his mind? How improper to ask you first!"

"He is not a pureblood."

Her hand hits my face before I can see the blow coming.

"You will send it back to him, and tell him that you were joking and you don't want to marry him!"

"No! I love him and I will marry him!"

"_Crucio!_"

The pain is awful, my whole body hurts. When she finally stops, I hear the words what I feared the most.

"Cygnus!" she calls, "we have a problem."

She tells him the whole story, of course he is furious. I don't really know how long I lie here on the floor while he curses me in his savage wrath, I feel all my bones breaking, my body arching, I cry and scream in pain, my view is blurred by tears but I catch glimpses of my sisters, with smiles on their faces, they are so happy to watch me suffer, I scream out in pain, so much and so high and so long that I finally lose my voice, it lasts two hours, perhaps, until I pass out.

The next day they torture me again, I can't escape my room, and for the new year I remain locked here, unable to move. Everything in me is broken, my body, my soul and they have taken away my ring. I can't stay here any longer, I want to see Ted again, but if I do this torture will never end, why do I have such an awful life?

And then one day I hear noise outside my door, and Sirius bursts in.

"Sirius, why are you here? I thought you were with James!"

"Yes I was, but I wanted to see you and now I find you here, are you ill?"

Tears are running down my cheeks, I cannot hold them back.

"No, I've just been tortured everyday for five days."

"Oh my God, why did they do this to you?"

"They know that I am going to marry Ted."

"You must leave."

"I can't, or it will be even worse afterwards."

He takes my hand gently, it hurts of course, terribly. I see his sad face, he knows that I am not like him, I am not a rebel.

"Can you do something for me?"

"Take you away from here?"

"No, not now, maybe later I don't know... but can you find my ring? I want it back, please."

"I will look for it."

While he is gone, I try to dry my tears. I must make up my mind, I must choose between my family, my safety and Ted, the only boy I have ever loved, the boy with whom I feel so right.

I know that I must choose my love, but I am so scared of my family... After perhaps one hour spent thinking over and over about it, Sirius finally comes back.

"I've finally found it."

"Thanks. Sirius, do you think I should leave this house and spend my life being scared of them finding me, or should I stay here and hope that they will forgive me?"

"You must leave, run away, they will never look for you, they will forget you the very day of your departure."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it happened to me, remember..."

We hear footsteps in the stairs, I hide my ring under the pillow, Sirius kisses my hand and runs away. My mother walks into the room.

"You will be back in Hogwarts in two days, but if you want to go, you must promise me something."

"What?"

"That you will never see him again."

"... Yes, I accept."

"So goodbye, I probably won't see you again before you leave."

"Mum, don't you think that they will ask questions if they see that all my bones are broken, that I have bruises everywhere? Or should I tell them what happened directly?"

"Don't you ever talk me like this!"

"Do you really think I will forget it one day? I know you prefer Cissy and even Bella, but you didn't have to do this to me."

She doesn't even glance at me before walking out. I am lucky to be able to leave like this, but how can I keep this promise? I don't want to be tortured again though.

The last day before my return, someone gives me potions to heal faster than I naturally would, it hurts a lot, but I am too happy to be leaving this awful house to complain.

When I eventually come back to Hogwarts, I see Ted but since my sisters are with me I can't even look at him. Late in the night, I wake up and go down to the common room. I feel so sad...

"Sirius told me what they have done to you..." Ted tells me.

"He didn't have to."

"So what do you want to do?"

"I don't want to marry you."

His face falls, he doesn't accept it.

"But they tortured you! And you love me as much as I love you!"

"Maybe..."

"Look at me."

I turn my head towards him.

"You know what people say, "the eyes always give the guilty away, they are the doorway to the soul", when I see yours, I see your soul and your soul feels guilty to tell me what you told me, because you know that you love me, and you know that I will do anything for you, that I will take you away from everything, someplace where we can be happy together."

I cry again, can't I do anything but cry?

"So if you see my soul, you must know how much they scare me," I whisper through my tears, "you must know how they tortured me for days, and I know that if I don't come back to them they will hunt me everywhere I go... Even if I love you, I don't want you to risk your life for me."

"You know that they won't do anything to us, you are just afraid to leave everything behind, but think of Sirius, he is gone and they didn't try to find him. We can be together, we can be happy but only if you want us to."

I nod shakily.


End file.
